The ongoing "coming out" process of lesbian parents

Abstract

Given the “invisible nature” (O’Connell, 1999) of lesbian-headed families, it is difficult to estimate their prevalence. O’Connell cited data estimating that there are between 1.3 and 3.3 million lesbian-headed families in the United States. These estimates are over ten years old, and with the increasing number of lesbians using artificial insemination as a means to procreate, the above estimate is likely to be much larger today. In order for lesbian-headed families to prosper, we need to understand their structure, strengths and needs in today’s sometimes volatile and fearful, and at other times surprisingly gentle and accepting, society. The purpose of the present study is to explore and describe one fluid and constant aspect of lesbian-headed families, the process of “coming out.” Coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) is generally thought of as a fluid process within which one is always making decisions regarding whether s/he will communicate to those around them that s/he is LGBT. For many lesbians, perceptions of relative safety within a particular situation often influence whether they choose to come out (Spaulding, 1999). Within dual parent lesbian-headed families, coming out may not be a choice. There are several environments in which lesbian couples need to be out in order to adequately care for their child and participate in her or his life (e.g., at daycare or school, within medical environments, and perhaps the neighborhood park and grocery store). How does the coming out process change for women who are in lesbian relationships after they have a child? Does this process strengthen their identity as lesbians, as a couple, and/or as a family? Do parents feel concerned for their own safety and/or that of their child(ren)? If so, how do they cope with these concerns? These are areas that the current study explored through audiotaped interviews with three dual parent lesbian couples. It is anticipated that the results will add to the literature on lesbian-headed families as it relates to understanding the coming out process and its relationship to family strength and identity.