You Understand What I'm Trying to Say Here, Right?

By Ryan Nell

As a person with a disability I get asked a lot of questions in one-on-one conversation, and I feel as though it might do us all some good to review a couple of these questions with a more general audience. I warn you, these questions tend to be personal in nature, and the discussion may be what some might consider, well, rude. The G rated conversation is down the hall.

The number one question I get asked in private conversations is, drum roll please, does “it” work? I know most of you are with me, but for those of you who have the inability to understand my indirect reference to this taboo, let me level with you; I’m talking about my penis. There are a host of medical problems that come with my disability, but an inactive “member” is not one of them. I don’t need a little blue pill to make me harder then Chinese algebra.

Another question I get asked frequently relates to the topic of accessibility, or lack thereof. How do I deal with the lack of accessibility in the world around me? The answer is simple; I get pissed. Not like, I want to talk to your manager, throwing silverware, mean-mugging exiting customers pissed. Instead, I prefer a more subtle approach. One that breaks down like this, I’m never ever coming back here, not if it was the last possible safe place on the planet; not that I could get in anyways, so what’s the difference? Along with that I’m going to tell every single last one of my 733 Facebook friends to never give you their business, and hopefully they will tell their friends too. My goal is to systematically destroy your business one Facebook wall post at a time. Weather or not this is a feasible approach is really a matter of debate, but I can’t do that either because podiums, well, they’re generally not wheelchair accessible.

Dan Wilkins says “a community that excludes even one of its members is no community at all.” Well I say screw that, we have to play with the hand we’re dealt, even if the deck is stacked against us. So kids, pick yourselves up by your boot straps and hang on tight, there is a lot of shit you’ll have to shovel through, so I hope you brought your waders.

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